I absolutely agree. Much of it is due to the fact that many are searching and do not fully understand who they are. They are rebelling against cis normative gender standards without really identifying in any certain way. That leads to the kind of defensiveness you describe. Much of it is due to insecurity as to their place in society. But I am not a threat, just a rather ordinary binary woman using she, her pronouns. What you are describing is mostly confused youngsters whose militance is not helpful to the broader community. I am sorry you have had some bad experiences.