I always enjoy your whimisical and lyrical approach to writing. It has a playful aspect which is satisfying and deeply entertaining. Having said this, however, I must politely disagree with your description of a demisexual. I am demisexual and do not resemble in the slightest your description, but then I am allosexual as well, so do not really fit on the asexual spectrum. I suspect your description was a bit of a throwaway in your article since you were trying to come up with a subject for Logan‘s call to write about aspects of asexual eroticism.
A demisexual (often, though not always described as being on the Ace spectrum) is someone who is only sexually attracted to people they develop a strong emotional and spiritual relationship with. I do not date people on the assumption or with the hope that I will develop a sexual attraction later on. For the most part I don’t even date people just to explore the possibility. I really like sex (allosexual) and I really hate porn. (That might be a little strong; it just doesn’t do anything for me.) I might date someone because I find them entertaining or amusing or intelligent, but I would have no expectations of anything further. It would just be an opportunity to get to know someone better. The sexual attraction only occurs where there is a special spark and understanding between the two of us – the emotional and/or spiritual connection. I don’t try to get to know someone better in order to try to create a smoldering sexual attraction. It is just something that happens under the right circumstances. No expectations are involved. Indeed, my strongest sexual attractions have occurred quite by accident with people that I got to know who stirred something deep within me, almost always in an unexpected and unanticipated way. They literally are my soulmates.
This is beyond the scope of your article, but I am also panromantic and a post op fully functional trans woman. I am open to any kind of a relationship with any kind of person no matter how they may be equipped. This is a hugely complicating factor. The heart wants what the heart wants, but sometimes the mechanics can be challenging. My two deepest loves at the moment are both pre-op trans women. For one, her private parts are off-limits and she finds them abhorrent. We have spent a lot of time together and my love for her has only grown stronger, but it is really complicated. We are still trying to figure out how this is supposed to work.The other one still likes using her male equipment though we have not spent any time together IRL since we live several thousand miles apart. I hope that will change in the not too distant future.
Regardless of where someone falls on the various romantic, sexual preference and sexuality spectrums, for me to be demi is an experience in life which should be easily definable. Demisexual people are people who connect so deeply on an emotional and spiritual level, that they want an even closer relationship. The deep closeness stirs desire. The fullest expression of this is to have an intimate physical relationship which builds on and enhances the connection between the two souls—a mind/body meld if you will. It is the natural progression of the relationship. Giving in this way to one’s partner and being able to be completely vulnerable with them creates a bond that is hard to describe. That is my deepest desire. It makes me complete.
I trust I have not offended in sharing. I so much appreciate everything you write. I look forward to what new wacky, deliciously demented and humorous observation you will come up with next.
Attentively, Amorously, Allosexually, Amiably, and Affectionately yours.* 🌹 Bree
Right on, er, write on.
*They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.🤔🥰
