I know there is a lot of work involved, but in many ways I envy your move and where you are headed. It is a part of the country that I love and have always felt more comfortable in. Plus my two youngest and five of my grandchildren live out there. In many ways I have not had the feeling of being threatened as much as you and your wife have. However, living in the narrowminded bigoted South, I have certainly encountered my share of shunning and silent disapproval. As I have moved down the road to becoming very close to fully passing, the change in attitude has been fascinating. Now for the most part people do not give me a second thought and I find that occasionally guys start hitting on me or looking me over carefully. I am familiar with the gaze. I’ve seen it enough in my life. It is strangely affirming, because it is foreign to me. It is a part of my youth I never had a chance to experience. it makes me feel desirable and authentic.

I can understand how your wife felt so much more at ease being able to go on with her day-to-day life and having no one pay attention to her. It is so nice to be invisible and not feel like you’re being scrutinized all the time. It makes life so much easier to just to be yourself without a second thought.

As to name, I am in the middle of changing mine as well though I’m not triggered by my dead name so much. Because I have always considered myself as evolving, not changing into something different, I chose my new name as a feminization of my name assigned at birth. Keeping one foot in my past and one in my present and future works for me for the moment. Eventually I will take that old identity and carefully pack it away for occasional reminiscence. I don’t hate it; it will just become less important as time goes on.