I think I’m going to have to write my own story on this. You have delved into an area that I stumbled on a couple of months ago by accident. The concept of being asexual as opposed to having low libido can create strong protestations if one suggests that the two can at times be somehow connected, as you do in passing at the beginning of your article. The problem is that someone can appear asexual because they have low libido (almost always due to very low testosterone) and have their sexuality quickly change when their hormone levels are normalized. Asexual people react almost violently when one suggests that this is the case in certain instances. My intent is not to open a fire storm of controversy here. I am merely making observations based upon my own experience.

When I first accepted my transgender identity, I came to the rather simplistic conclusion that I was pansexual. As time went on, I realized that this was not really true. What I am is a panromantic Demi sexual, and likely have always been at least Demi sexual, I think. I have added the modifier of panromantic because the universe of people and activities I would be willing to explore today are much broader than when I was a heteronormative male.

I have recently discovered an LGBTQ friendly club the caters to members of the community. I have spent quite a bit of time there because I find the people so interesting and so uncritically accepting of my trans feminine identity. They are a wonderfully affirming bunch. Of late, certain otherwise gay men have started hitting on me which has allowed me to observe for myself the different degrees of sexuality exhibited by many of them. This is in turn has sharpened my discernment of my own sexuality.

In short, I have become even more convinced that I am truly demisexual and always have been. But I would not consider myself on the ace spectrum at all. Some of my friends who are adamantly ace would be appalled at this statement. They consider me one of them and would view this comment as heresy. Again, I am not trying to poke at a hornets nest; I am merely relating my own experience and self-awareness.

I think there is a great deal of confusion as to what actually makes someone ace. Even the psychologists who study this area are somewhat sloppy in their analysis. For instance, it is generally accepted wisdom that many women become asexual after menopause. I know a number of older women who would agree with this characterization. But are they really? Most of them were highly sexed in their child bearing years and enjoyed it tremendously. Why the change? I’m probably going to get into trouble saying this, but to me it is the change in hormones which caused the shift in identity.

There are also psychologists who believe that sexual identity can change over time, while others believe that it is fixed and immutable. I tend to agree with the latter group, though their representation may be smaller in the psychological community. To me, it seems reasonable to assume that someone with a changing sexuality, especially transgender people on HRT, are likely experiencing the effects of higher or lower levels of sex hormones. If it is hormonally related, it is not an identity issue but a libido issue. There lies the rub. Our understanding, even today with all the research that has been done, is still somewhat muddy and confused. I would certainly not challenge anyone’s identity who has come to a firm conclusion that they are on the ace spectrum. However, this can be confusing to some who don’t know what their identity is and they’re trying to figure out whether they have a libido problem or are simply asexual. For those, offering the opportunity to explore themselves further is the kind and compassionate thing to do in my opinion. I would hate to lock someone in to a conclusion that was not really them.

Thank you for your article Logan. As always I find your writing thought-provoking.