It is fascinating, disturbing, and depressing how much selective legalism conservative Christians toss out to try to shame and put the “fear of God“ into the rest of us. Christianity at its essence is all about the heart. It is seeing others as God sees them and then loving them without qualification. By this the true Christian reveals him or herself. That kind of Christianity is attractive and leads other people to want to know and learn more. The kind of legalism that you have described is exactly the same kind of behavior by the Pharisees that Jesus condemned so forcefully. I fear that the modern church is more pharisaical than Jesus centered. It is sad. You and I know that the Christian religion has so much to offer when stripped of its more abhorrent attitudes and practices.