Maybe you didn’t burn your house down. Maybe it was a bit termite infested from the beginning even though you both loved it dearly. Over the years the infestation got so bad, that you had to tear it down to its bones so that you could rebuild afresh. Maybe you are still doing that. Love comes in different forms.

We all make compromises in the relationships that are most important to us. Sometimes what is demanded is so extreme that it just makes both partners unhappy. In others, they find ways to reinvent their relationship and rebuild the house. I find myself with similar questions at times. As a postop trans woman myself, my marriage will never again be what it once was on the physical and emotional level. But we are still together. I never received an ultimatum. It is not clear what our long term destiny will be. For the moment we have found a way to live comfortably amid the construction debris. We may sell it and move on separately or stay together and complete the process. Only the future knows for sure.

What I do know is that living in the demolished and partially reconstructed ruins, we are each seeking a way to be happy. We have a certain fondness for the old place. At least we can still support and care for one another. That is a start.