Simon: I don’t disagree. That was one of the points I was trying to make in my response and acknowledged the same at the end. But I went a little further in suggesting that we should expand our imagination about gender and what may or not be our preferences. Trying to at least understand can sometimes open us up to new possibilities, but even if it doesn’t, I would hope it would create appreciation and empathy for someone who is other, that they deserve the same love and respect as heteronormative individuals.
I was writing in the context of Riley’s personal experience. I don’t know her and have no idea what she looks like. I can only make reasonable assumptions based on what she shares in her writings. My impression however is that her appearance is probably attractive to straight men. Some have apparently wanted to explore the possibility of a sexual liaison, but then became repulsed upon learning of her trans status and equipment opposed to what we usually associate with cis women. I can understand the initial revulsion. I think most straight men would react negatively (at least initially), especially if they felt they were being misled. What I was trying to suggest was perhaps taking a step back in such a situation and re-examining one’s feelings and attitudes. Is not having the right complementary parts a deal breaker, or is the person to whom they are attached what is really important? If the latter, I would hope that you would at least consider the possibility of a non-traditional physical encounter. As I mentioned at the outset of my initial response in rather strong terms, good sex is not intimacy per se, it is the culmination or fulfillment of an intimacy which develops between two people’s essential beings on a more emotional and spiritual plane. Biology can be (and may be) irrelevant to that attraction.
I am not gay. I have never been attracted to men and quite frankly gay men are not, and will never be, attracted to me, especially when my physical transformation is complete. I shared the fact that my wife and I are wrestling with how our sex life will look when we go to bed as two women. It is a bit mind boggling since it is unfamiliar territory for the two of us. 20 years ago, dealing with this possibility would never have occurred to us. But realizing and accepting that I am female has turned my paradigm upside down. Because I knew that my evolution required a complete conforming of my body to my identity, I had to rethink the nature of human relationships. Everything was changing. Mainstream social conventions could no longer apply. And that changed how I thought about other non traditional relationships. I realized that I had to be open to other possibilities to be true to myself. I have considered the possibility of a conventional relationship with a man where I am the receiver rather than the penetrator. From a purely physical perspective the thought of that possibility is thrilling (and no it is not comparable to anal sex which does not appeal to me). I know I would enjoy it—but I am still not attracted to men in other ways. There is more to process.
The existence of people like me poses no threat to mankind. The reproductive imperative is too strong. Most are cis and will always be. But to the extent that the value of, and need for, sex goes beyond mere perpetuation of the species it becomes something which enriches and deepens interpersonal relationships. That does not depend on mere biology.
To paraphrase what you said, to each his own. That’s ok, but perhaps in being too traditional in our thinking we cut ourselves off from new possibilities, new kinds of relationships. For me the world has opened up and I am a better person for it.
