Stephanie, I understand your anger. I enjoy reading your writing. There is always something that strikes a chord within me. Like you, I have tried to keep my writing on the subject of being transgender conciliatory and conversational. I have occasionally been trolled or encountered virulent transphobes, but it has been rare. I quietly persist in trying to be objective and bring in references and statistics to support my position. My experience has been that the pushback has been limited. I am not as visible as you, but I welcome the opportunity to engage with the misinformed and the ignorant on any forum.
I think we can both agree that we are in a war for our very existence and right to live our lives peacefully as we see fit. I try not to dwell on the negative, and I try to be an ambassador with my smile and my willingness to be open about anything about me. Especially in public, I have not encountered anyone who has been openly hostile. The worst I have ever gotten is someone quietly ignoring me when it is obvious that they disapprove. Even then, if I am engaged in a conversation with someone nearby and they overhear hoping for something to criticize, they quickly realize that I am just a normal person and sometimes they warm up enough to express confusion or ask me questions. I have found that a smiling face rather than a scow or anger is a more effective weapon in winning over the reluctant and the dismissive. Does it always work? Of course not. But I try to keep myself on a course that I think is most beneficial to the cause of educating society and convincing them we are actually sensitive and loving people who pose them no threat. Does it become tiring at times? Of course it does. You know that as well as anyone. But I try to remain optimistic, looking forward to a bright future rather than dreading the somewhat dire present. I think trying to be optimistic is what ultimately keeps me going.
It would be easy to just hide behind my passability and live in stealth mode. I can enter any women’s space and undress and no one would give me any attention, being postop. It is a privilege and a luxury that I know that many do not have. I am grateful that I had the resources to do the work that I needed for my own sense of authenticity. When I first started my evolution, my intent was to work through the process silently, and invisibly if possible, with the goal of just living out my life as a woman unnoticed by the world around me. On my journey I discovered the extreme distress of too many of my trans brothers and sisters for any number of reasons that I did not fully appreciate until I began living as a transgender person. What I have found has touched me deeply and my attitude has changed. I find that there is no way I could possibly disengage and abandon all the people I have come to love and who have been hurt, or are scared, or are angry. They are all my family and I will fiercely defend them to my dying breath. Hopefully I can do it with grace and compassion and forgiveness for those who just blindly hate us.
