Thank you for the thoughtful reply. We seem to each be taking a step back and viewing ourselves through the lenses of hormonal experiences which are mirror images of one another. You have far more experience with estrogen than I; I have a lifetime of being bathed in testosterone. I can understand how you might be uncertain about which is better for you. It is scary to experience something which might not really be you in the long run and which might ultimately turn out to be a mistake.
I do not presume to tell you how to proceed, but I can share what it is like to be purely male hormonally (at least for me. As with everything in the human experience it is a spectrum). I was not unemotional as a male. The feelings I have now are not new, just more accessible and abundant. They reside just below the surface and easily percolate up, sometimes without warning, but I like it. Empathy comes more easily.
As a male, my mind tightly controlled my world and relationships. It was easy to analyze and keep my cool when those around me were panicking. I could put my emotions aside while my logical mind processed the situation, waiting for the appropriate time to let myself feel deeply. Now my emotions often appear first and I have to let the initial wave wash over me before I can effectively move into my analytical mode. I don’t think one style is better or worse than the other in an absolute sense, just different. Women and men can be equally capable at problem solving and nurturing, it is the process that differs. The important thing is that your emotions will not disappear or be diminished on T, just be a bit more compartmentalized, not always immediately available.
To be a bit simplistic, as a man the problem was the priority in my career and relationships. How people felt was secondary. What good did it do to make people feel good if the quality of the result was less than optimum? In business, wasn’t I cheating my paying clients? In relationships, wasn’t I enabling? As a woman how others feel is my priority. I need to affirm the group around me and look for a way to get a consensus before proceeding. It takes longer and often requires compromises I would have been reluctant to make from a male perspective, but at the end the job gets done and no one gets hurt. Everyone wins. I like it better for me. Anger, impatience and the need to control have been replaced with patience, peace and the need to belong. I am more Mother Theresa, less Woodrow Call.
I wish you the best as you wrestle with yourself. You are doing the right thing taking a step back and observing and processing. I am confident you will become the person you want to be. You will figure it out.... And there is no right or wrong answer—just what is best for the authentic you.
