The story you are sharing is an all two familiar one. Why do ex-spouses often turn divorces into a custody dispute to win the day over their former partner? The biggest losers are the children caught in the middle. It is hard for me to address the issue of child support and child tax credits, since your system in the UK is different than here in the US. However, to demonstrate how much worse things can get in a different system, in the US the non-custodial parent can be thrown in jail for contempt, have their driving privileges suspended, and a variety of other punitive steps taken, if they have a difficult time making interim child support payments.

Essentially this means that, if a former spouse destroys the income making ability of their about to be ex and gains primary custody of the children, the non-custodial party may find themselves in a position without the means to even support themselves, but with an obligation to pay money that they do not have and could not possibly earn to provide for the children. The result is that they often face jail time and losing their only transportation to find and get to a job if they are lucky enough to obtain a new one. This insane result is possible because of a legal theory called “imputed income”. A parent can be deemed by a court to be able to earn a certain amount of money whether they actually can or not, and thus be legally required to pay a specified amount of support. The system makes no sense. Ridiculous you may say. Never happens, you may protest. I assure you it too often does.

What happened to you is horrible, but all too familiar. We really need a better system. We all want to protect the children, but we need to find a way to prevent a vindictive spouse from destroying their ex. Parents are people as well. And children need both in their lives. Divorce is hard enough without the added trauma. We need to find a way to protect the dignity of all involved.