This comment resonates so much with me. The sexual imperative among all human beings is so strong. We have a primal urge to reproduce for the sake of our species. But too often, we become so caught up in our instinctive surrender to the pleasure of the act that we lose sight of how sex best fits into our lives as individuals.
Like many people, I engaged in my fair share of what I crudely refer to as “sport fucking” when I was younger. Meet someone. Click with them. Find them attractive and hop in the sack. In retrospect it was nothing more than scratching an itch. Too often, I would find myself wondering later why I acted so impulsively. Casual sex was never really satisfying.
As the years passed and I had a family of my own, I began to understand that sex was very important for human relationships, but it was only one component. We all need close spiritual/emotional relationships with someone else. When we engage in sex because of having such a connection, the act becomes magical. It is the way to deepen and strengthen the relationship between two people. There is a difference between making love and hooking up.
So what does this have to do with the comment I highlighted? Most of my life I was a typical heterosexual male. Not a gay or bi bone in my body as far as I knew. After decades, I finally accepted the fact that I was a binary transgender woman. Immediately, I had an almost overwhelming desire to have a man make love to me. To say that it made me question my understanding of myself would be to understate the situation. Everything I thought I knew suddenly became suspect. My certainty about myself and my sexuality and gender were shattered.
I began to rethink everything. Initially, I thought I might be pansexual. It seemed possible to contemplate any kind of sexual activity with any kind of person, no matter their gender or equipment. Essentially all options were on the table. But the fit was not perfect. There were certain kinds of people and certain kinds of sexual activities that did not appeal to me. As I investigated more, I realized that I was panromantic, but demisexual. I was not, however, Ace. I was very much allosexual. In short, I was open to a sexual encounter with any kind of person, regardless of their sexuality or gender, but I needed a spiritual or emotional connection before I would become aroused. It was the person that was the key to my desire for intimacy.
To me, sex is more than the physical pleasure associated with the activity. It is about vulnerability and connection with someone who you care for deeply. In the same way that you would do anything to please them in day-to-day activities, you have the same desire to please them in bed. The connection between the emotional and the physical is where the magic lies. Yes, my attraction is to people, not genders. I completely understand where you are coming from.
