Wow. It’s nice to know you’ve come up with five or six additional reasons that I am going to hell. Since you’re just trying to warn me, how about a little practical advice on how to avoid it? I’ve done the sinners prayer. I’ve been baptized and confirmed. I fed the poor. I’ve been to prison as a volunteer. I’ve helped the homeless. I’ve given my money away. I’ve forgiven those who have stolen from me and defamed me and destroyed my things. I’ve opened my home to the homeless and former inmates to help them get back on their feet. I spent over 200 days last year with my elderly mother to keep her company during the pandemic. I’ve spent years in youth ministry. I have been part of intercessory prayer chains, I’ve been an acolyte and head chorister. I even spent two years in the School for Ministry for the Episcopal Church to learn how to become a better lay minister. I’ve worked innumerable renewal weekends. I started a construction company to put ex-cons to work. I never took a dime for myself. Indeed every project cost me money. But I keep screwing up. You keep piling on. I guess the problem is that I have reached out to the LGBTQ community in the last year. Apparently that’s one of those irredeemable groups that I should’ve stayed away from!

In any case, help! All the decades I have spent have apparently been for naught. I really could use your guidance as to how to straighten out this mess that my life has become! Maybe a couple hundred Hail Mary’s and 1000 acts of penance. I don’t know. I’m not Catholic. Or should I just start pricing fireproof blankets?