You have identified the source of the confusion regarding Christianity today. The vocal and intolerant fundamentalist Evangelicals are preaching a set of values which have nothing to do with the authentic message of Jesus. In my opinion, they are Christian in name only. They know nothing about the nature of God. The people you identify with, and the values you hold dear, are the authentic ones. We need to keep differentiating between the two. There is so much good and pure about the message of Christianity. It seems to have been hijacked by a group who do not understand it and have no interest in doing so. It is enough for them to use verses of the Bible as a club to beat other people over the head with to justify their own smug sense of self righteous superiority.